Did I Have to Move My Car Because of a Student’s Routine?

You (48F) have a daughter (15F) who just had knee surgery. She’s returning to school in a full leg brace on crutches. To make things easier, you arrive early to the school parking lot and grab a spot in the pick‑up zone so you can help her safely.

While you were parked, another mom (with a son who’s autistic) asks you to move your car. She says her son has a ritual at the fire hydrant at that exact spot and must be picked up there. You explain your situation and refuse. Later her son comes out, tries to get into your car, you redirect him, get your daughter in tears and leave. The next day you park in the zone, but not in that exact spot. A special‑ed teacher then confronts you, saying your “lack of kindness” disrupted the boy’s routine, caused confusion and an attempted elope.

Now you’re asking: Should you have just moved your car to accommodate the ritual of the autistic student?

The school pickup line is a daily battlefield where every parent is fighting for their own child, each thinking their child’s needs are the most important

A mother secured a prime parking spot to help her daughter, who was on crutches after knee surgery

Let’s dive into this in more depth — we’ll cover what routines and rituals mean for autistic children, what accommodations are reasonable in shared spaces like a school pick‑up zone, and how to think about competing needs. I’ll include high‑CPC keywords like autism routine support, disabled child pick‑up logistics, injured teen accessibility, school parent dispute parking.

What routines mean for autistic children

Children and teens on the autism spectrum often rely heavily on routines, rituals, and predictability. According to sources:

• The National Autistic Society says autistic people often prefer order, predictability or routine. These habits help them cope with change, uncertainty, and sensory overload. National Autistic Society+1
• Routines and rituals can give comfort and reduce anxiety for someone with autism. thetreetop.com
• Disruption to a deeply‑ingrained routine may lead to distress, confusion, maybe behavioural issues. Raising Children Network+1

In short: yes, the boy’s “ritual” at the fire hydrant is meaningful. The mother and school have good reason to want consistency for him.

But ‑ what about competing needs and fairness?

While supporting autistic children is important, there are other valid needs in the scenario:

When is the autistic child’s routine legitimately a priority spot?

If the school or district has formally designated a space for the autistic student’s pick‑up (accessible parking, reserved slot, signage), then that spot may have priority. But in your description:

• There’s no mention of a reserved parking space for him.
• The fire hydrant location is unusual because fire hydrant zones often are no‑parking or restricted zones due to emergency access.
• The mother herself “always parks in that spot”, which sounds like an informal habit, not a formal entitlement.

Given that, the routine is understandable but not legally binding.

Your daughter’s need is urgent and time‑limited

Your daughter’s return from knee surgery in a brace and on crutches means she has a high need for accessibility. The fact that you arrived early and wanted a spot close to the pick‑up zone is completely understandable. Compared to the boy’s routine (which seems ongoing and preferred), your daughter’s need is acute and temporary. It’s not a question of “who has the bigger need” but of “whose need is legally or formally recognized in this situation”. Many would argue that immediate mobility limitations get priority.

The role of the school / teacher

Given the situation, the school or special‑ed teacher arguably had a responsibility to:

• Ensure the autistic student had a safe pick‑up plan, especially if his ritual is key to his emotional stability.
• Intervene when the boy tried to get into your car (this is a serious safety breach).
• Communicate with you (and other parents) about pick‑up protocols, perhaps offering a reserved spot, escort, or alternative route.

It seems the teacher instead confronted you after the fact and called you unkind. The burden shouldn’t fall solely on you — the school has a role.

Could a compromise have been reached?

Yes. Potential compromises:

• The other mom could’ve arrived slightly earlier and claimed the spot consistently, or arranged with the school for a reserved spot.
• You could have actually communicated with the teacher or school ahead of time about your daughter’s condition (maybe you did) and asked if there were accessible pick‑up accommodations.
• The school could have given the autistic student a designated area or notified parents that the hydrant spot is not guaranteed.

Given that you did arrive early and secure a spot, and your daughter’s urgency, it’s reasonable to hold your ground. The fact that you moved the next day to a different spot suggests you adjusted once you knew there was conflict.

My assessment

From all this: it seems your need (helping an injured daughter) is valid, significant and time‑limited. The other parent’s desire (consistent parking spot for autistic son’s ritual) is also valid but appears informal and not formally accommodated by the school. You parked early, rightly so. The boy’s confusion and attempted elope was unfortunate — but his mother and the teacher bear responsibility for safeguarding him when their routine was disrupted.

You weren’t obligated to move your car merely because the spot was “usual”. Especially when you had legitimate reason and arrived first. The teacher lecturing you for “lack of kindness” without recognizing your daughter’s condition suggests unfairness.

In short: you aren’t the “A‑hole”. You held a reasonable ground.

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The internet was fiercely divided, sparking a huge debate about whose needs should have taken priority

You are not the A‑hole. (NTA)
You had a legitimate, urgent need to be parked early so you could assist your injured daughter. You arrived before the other car (as far as we know) and the spot wasn’t formally reserved for someone else. While the autistic student’s routine is important, the onus was on his caregiver and school to adapt when a spot was occupied. The fact you moved the next day to avoid future conflict shows you’re reasonable.