A Mother’s Dilemma: Butt Job or School Supplies? Who’s in the Wrong?

A 33-year-old mother, after a tough breakup, decided to spend her life savings ($7,200) on a cosmetic surgery (BBL) to boost her self-esteem. After the surgery, her daughter’s school asked for a contribution toward supplies, which would cost about $65. The mother felt she couldn’t afford it due to the recent surgery and decided to skip the purchase. However, her mom (the grandmother) stepped in and used the mother’s debit card to buy the supplies and a new backpack for the daughter, criticizing the mother’s priorities. The mother is now questioning whether she made the wrong choice in prioritizing the surgery over the school supplies.

While the mother’s decision to invest in self-care isn’t inherently wrong, her choice to spend her savings without accounting for other financial obligations created tension. Her mom’s interference also added to the conflict. The situation reflects the challenges of balancing personal desires with parental responsibilities, and the complexities of family dynamics when financial decisions are involved.

A woman recently opened up about spending her entire life savings on plastic surgery, a decision that left many online stunned

She revealed that after the procedure, she and her daughter were on such a tight budget that she didn’t even buy her child’s school supplies

So, you’re asking yourself, Am I the asshole for spending my life savings on a plastic surgery procedure instead of buying my daughter her school supplies? Let’s break it down, because this is one of those situations where emotions, financial priorities, and family dynamics all collide.

The Backstory: A Tough Year

You’ve been through a lot in the past year. Your boyfriend dumped you, you’re navigating life as a single mom to a 7-year-old, and you’ve been dealing with the pressures of dating and trying to regain your confidence. So when you finally decide to invest in something for yourself—something that will boost your self-esteem—it’s easy to understand why you might have jumped on the idea of a cosmetic procedure.

But here’s where the tension begins: that life savings of $7,200 you spent on a butt lift (BBL), which wasn’t just a little splurge, but something that you clearly felt would make you feel better about yourself. You didn’t take this decision lightly—after all, you did some research and consulted with doctors.

Then, the school supply situation hits. You get a note from your daughter’s school saying that her class is collecting supplies and that each student is required to contribute. The total cost of supplies would be about $65. Seems small, but for someone living on a tight budget, that amount could stretch your finances, especially after your recent expenditure on surgery. You decide you can’t afford it this month, especially when the money you spent on your surgery could’ve gone toward school supplies.

Enter Grandma (Mom): The Judgmental Interference

Just when you think you’re in the clear, your mom comes in, takes matters into her own hands, and buys all the supplies for your daughter—plus a new backpack. And here’s the kicker: your mom thinks you’re irresponsible for spending your money on plastic surgery and not using it for “important” things, like making sure your daughter has all the new stuff that other kids have.

Your mom makes some valid points, right? She thinks your daughter shouldn’t have to go without when it comes to school supplies, and she’s upset that your daughter’s backpack is “old.” But it seems like her criticism goes beyond that—she’s passing judgment on how you manage your money, and that’s a problem in itself.

The Real Question: Are You the A-Hole?

Okay, let’s take a deep breath. There are a lot of moving parts in this situation, and it’s easy to get tangled up in emotions. So, are you the asshole for choosing to spend your savings on a cosmetic procedure instead of buying your daughter her school supplies?

Let’s break it down:

1. Your Choice to Spend on Plastic Surgery:
   It sounds like you were struggling with your self-esteem. After months of dating and facing rejection, you felt like a new look would help you feel better. Cosmetic surgery, especially something like a BBL, isn’t cheap, but it’s not necessarily wrong to invest in yourself if that’s what makes you happy. Everyone deserves to feel good in their skin. However, here’s the kicker: it seems like you made this decision without fully considering the immediate financial strain it could cause in other areas of your life.
2. Your Daughter’s School Supplies:
   Your daughter needing school supplies is not a huge financial burden in and of itself. However, when you’re already tight on money, it could be more than you’re able to handle at the moment. The situation with school supplies is also a reflection of how some schools make parents feel pressured to spend money on “required” items that aren’t truly necessities for every student. That can be frustrating. Still, it’s understandable why your mom would step in here—she probably just wants to make sure your daughter isn’t left behind.
3. The Role of Your Mom:
   Your mom might have overstepped by using your debit card to buy the supplies, but her heart was probably in the right place. She’s trying to help, but her method of helping—making financial decisions without consulting you—wasn’t the best. As a mom, you get to decide where your money goes. If you’re prioritizing your self-care over something like school supplies, that’s your call. However, having your mom judge you for that decision—and make a purchase behind your back—puts a strain on the relationship.

Could You Have Done Things Differently?

In hindsight, perhaps there was a better way to approach this whole situation.

• Planning: Maybe setting a budget that accommodates both your personal goals and your daughter’s needs could’ve worked better. Sure, self-esteem is important, but if you’d set aside a bit more for your daughter’s supplies, you wouldn’t have to choose between the two.
• Communicating with Your Mom: If your mom is the one you rely on for some financial support (like for groceries), having a more open conversation about your financial priorities might have prevented this situation from escalating. Instead of letting her see your decision as irresponsible, you could have explained why this surgery was important to you and how you were planning to manage the costs moving forward.
• Being Transparent with Your Daughter: While your daughter is still young, keeping her in the loop about your financial situation could be helpful. Explaining that you’re on a tight budget for the month and that everyone has to pitch in could help her understand the reason behind not buying new supplies.

As criticism poured in, the woman doubled down on her decision, further explaining the challenges they were facing and why she felt the surgery was still worth it

You’re not an asshole for getting plastic surgery. Investing in yourself isn’t inherently wrong. However, your financial choices seem a bit misaligned with your current budget, and that’s where the problem lies. Your mom did overstep in using your debit card without asking, but her underlying concern about your daughter’s school needs is understandable. There’s no perfect answer here, but if you’re learning from this experience and rethinking your financial priorities, you’re on the right track.