Son Follows His Passion for Theatre Dad Says That’s Not ‘Real Work’

You and your wife come from modest beginnings, worked hard, built good careers, and you’ve watched your son flourish academically — great A‑levels, good uni, smart kid. You want the best for him: job security, good income, big opportunities. That’s totally understandable. But your son has a strong passion for theatre — acting, directing, performing. He wants to spend his summer taking a production to the fringe, living on sofas, having fun. You see the risk: theatre is unpredictable, poorly paid, lots of failures. You fear that you’d be steering him away from joy and dreams — but also feel you might be doing your job as parent by encouraging stability. So the question: AIBU (Am I the ahole)** for trying to steer him into a well‑paid career rather than supporting his theatre dream?

Every child should be given the freedom to choose what they want to do with their life and what their future profession should be

The poster explained that even though he and his wife came from humble backgrounds, they worked hard, did well in their careers, and earned good money

1. The role of passion in career choices

There’s a fair bit of research showing that when students pick careers aligned with their passion/interests, they report higher job satisfaction and sense of meaning. For instance, a study on university students found that those who pursue their passion as a full‑time career showed more wellbeing and fulfillment compared to those who didn’t. JPPW+1

However — the same research also flags the big “however”: creative or arts‑based careers often involve higher uncertainty, lower income, unstable path. Some students pursue passion but struggle financially or give up that path. JPPW+1

So you’re facing the trade‑off: passion = better subjective wellbeing, but possibly less economic security; stability = good income and security, but possibly lower fulfilment if passion is ignored.

2. Parental influence and career decision making

Your role as a parent definitely influences your son’s career thinking. Studies show family influence is very significant in the career‑choice process. One paper found “family influence, personal interest and economic considerations all shape career choice” with family influence often being the strongest predictor. ijol.cikd.ca+1

So by steering him, you aren’t unusual — you’re doing what many parents do. But — research also warns: when parental influence overrides personal interest, it can lead to dissatisfaction, frustration, and a sense of “I’m living someone else’s dream” for the child. ijcrt.org+1

This means you’re walking a common path, but one that has risks if the child’s passion and sense of agency are neglected.

3. The role of risk and reality in creative careers

You’re concerned about “a path strewn with poverty and failure” — and your concern isn’t unfounded. Many people in theatre/directing face unstable employment, inconsistent income, self‑funding, and many give up after trying for years. That’s your lived insight and it’s valid.

Given that you see your son has strong academic ability (“his asset is his brain”), you’re trying to ensure he uses that asset in a way that gives him financial upside. That is a protective instinct.

4. But the question: whose priority is it?

Here the tension lies: Is the career path about your priorities (stability, income) or about his priorities (passion, fulfilment)? Ideally, the best situation is when passion and financial viability align. But that’s not always possible. So you’re faced with:

• Do you push him into internships in banks/consultancies/law firms so he has good options?
• Or do you let him chase theatre, support him fully, accepting risk and maybe less financial reward?

5. What to consider / what might help you decide

Here are some pointers you might reflect on:

• Talk openly with him about the risks of theatre: income volatility, job scarcity, need for gig work, potential fallback. But also talk about what satisfies him — what he wants out of life.
• Combine paths: Could he do something parallel? For example, he takes theatre seriously but still applies for internships or has a backup plan. This gives him freedom + safety net.
• Support him in testing the path: Before fully committing, could he spend a summer doing theatre (his plan) but also maybe take a smaller internship or part‑time to keep options open? If he shows theatre works for him, you back more fully.
• Respect his autonomy: He’s in his second year of uni. At this stage he’s old enough to start making his own choices. Your role could evolve from “steerer” to “supporter + adviser”. If he chooses theatre, you support him — but ensure he is informed.
• Balance expectations: You hope for a well‑paid career for him. He hopes for a creative career. Both are valid aspirations. A conversation about “what is success?” might help — financial security? creative fulfilment? both? something else?
• Accept possible outcomes: If he chooses theatre and it doesn’t work, that’s okay — many people pivot. What matters is he learns, feels ownership, and doesn’t feel he suppressed his dream because of you. If you force him into something and he hates it, that pain lasts. Studies show suppressed passions often lead to frustration. JPPW

6. So: Are you the A**hole?

In my view: No, you are not automatically the AH for wanting your son to have good financial opportunities and using your experience to protect him. Your intentions seem caring and pragmatic. But Yes, there is a moral and practical hazard if you block his dream or invalidate his interests purely because they don’t match your ideal path.

If you force him into “internships for banks/law” without listening to him, pushing only your agenda, ignoring his voice, then you’d risk being the AH. But if you discuss, explore, compromise, support his passion while also helping him build a safety net, then you’re doing great parenting.

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Most folks told the poster not to interfere with his son’s dreams and to let him live his life

You’re in a tricky spot. You want the best for your son. He wants to follow theatre. Life isn’t simple. The research backs both sides: passion matters for fulfilment, stability matters for wellbeing. Parental influence is huge — you’re influential. But you don’t want to suppress his voice.

So maybe change the frame: rather than “steer him out of theatre”, try “help him navigate theatre responsibly” — show how to build skills, network, manage finances, keep options open. Encourage internships in parallel if he’s open. Let him lead his passion with your support.