Teenager Refuses to Be a Free Babysitter Anymore, Tells Mom to Pay Up for Watching Her Boyfriend’s Kids

I’m 19F, only child, moved out at 17 and then moved back home 11 months ago because… well, the economy. My mom has a boyfriend (M) who has five kids. Three of them stay with us 4 days every other week. The two younger ones (5 & almost 7) are here on my days off during the week and I pretty much always end up watching them while my mom and M are at work. Fine. But now it’s become: M comes home from work and naps, weekends he just sleeps all day, and I’m left doing the child‑care. Today I’d had enough—when he went inside to sleep while I was carving pumpkins with the kids. So I told my mom: “If their dad is home and sleeping, I won’t babysit for free. No money = I’m not doing it.” I feel guilty for saying it—but I’m also exhausted and upset. AITA?

It’s really sad when children end up in dysfunctional families, which adversely impact their lives

The 19-year-old poster moved back with her mom and helped out by babysitting her boyfriend’s kids when they went to work

Let’s unpack this with some perspective on what’s going on: the concept of “adult children living at home”, unpaid caregiving, household boundaries, and fairness in parent/step‑parent configurations.

1. Adult children living at home & setting boundaries

You’re 19, which legally makes you an adult in most places. You moved back home for pragmatic reasons. Many young adults do this (the “boomerang generation”) due to financial pressure. Wikipedia+2New York Post+2 But the challenge is: when you’re grown and living with your parent, what are the expectations for you? Research and guidance say that boundaries and clear expectations are crucial for adult children living at home. For example: “Do you expect your child to pay rent, contribute housework, help with bills?” Empowering Parents+1

In your case the situation has morphed: you’re not just living at home, you’re performing significant caregiving tasks (watching young children, often while others rest). That moves beyond “helping out” to a kind of unpaid labour.

2. Unpaid caregiving and fairness

You’re stepping in to look after children who are not yours (or at least not your full responsibility), especially when the father/partner is present but inactive (napping). That creates a sense of unfairness: your labour (time, energy, responsibility) is being taken for granted. Many find themselves in “parentified” roles in blended families or multi‑adult households where one person ends up carrying the weight.

From an ethical point: if you are doing the work of care, you are entitled to either compensation, acknowledgment, or boundary around when you do/won’t do it. It’s perfectly reasonable to say: “I will help, but not when the ‘parent’ is present and asleep.”

3. Step‑parent/partner dynamics and responsibility

In households where a partner brings children to live occasionally (or part‑time), the biological parent usually retains primary responsibility. Your mom has a partner (M); his kids come to stay. He has a duty to engage with them, facilitate care, supervise them. If instead he naps and leaves you supervising, that shifts the responsibility unfairly onto you. That’s not your role in the chain of care.

You pointed out how you felt as a little girl: excited to do stuff with Dad and it being time together. The fact that M is absent/present but non‑engaged undermines the children’s experience and also places you in a role you didn’t sign up for. That’s a valid grievance.

4. Setting and enforcing boundaries for your own peace

You are working (you mention serving breakfast 5.5 hours), you are living at home by necessity, but you also deserve rest and dignity. Setting a boundary (“I’m not babysitting unpaid when daddy is home but sleeping”) is about self‑respect and protecting your time.

The literature on adult children living at home emphasises: “Discuss what you expect them to do, how long they will stay, what contribution they make.” Empowering Parents+1 You’re doing that by saying: there’s a cost/condition to what you’ve been doing.

5. A bit of nuance: grace + fairness + transition

However, there are some caveats worth thinking about:

• You and your mom likely made an informal agreement when you moved back in: you live here, use the space, possibly benefit from mom’s support. That often comes with some expectation of help. Your giving childcare might have started as “helping out” and has escalated.
• Kids occasionally stay and you help; if you choose to continue helping out, you might choose to renegotiate rather than refuse completely. For example: “If I’m babysitting when dad is present, we agree I get X payment or am officially ‘on shift’.”
• The transition from teenage to adult living at home often involves shifting roles: you’re no longer a child, you’re an adult living with parent, so the dynamic needs to change. That means mutual respect and balance, not expectation of free labour.
• Emotional attachment: You might worry “what will people think” or “I don’t want to be mean to mom or kids.” These are valid feelings. But boundaries don’t equal cruelty—they equal fairness.

6. So: AITA?

In my view: No, you’re not the A**hole. You are responding to unfair treatment of your time, labour and personal limits. You’re justified in stating that you will not continue to do unpaid childcare when the father figure is available but not participating.

But — there’s a way to frame it with compassion, negotiation and clarity. You might say to your mom:

“Mom, I’m happy to help out sometimes, but I can’t keep doing it when M is home and effectively inactive. If I’m going to watch the kids when they’re here, I’d like to be compensated (or we set a schedule) so it’s fair to me.”

That keeps you in an adult‑to‑adult conversation, rather than “you owe me” resentment.

If you simply refuse without renegotiation, you risk family tension. But your feeling of resentment has built because you weren’t heard. By making your position clear, you allow a healthier boundary in your home.

---

Folks online were quite verbal in expressing how they felt about the dad, and many also called out her mom for being with him

You are managing a complex situation: adult living at home, extra caregiving load, feeling unappreciated, wanting your own life back. You are not wrong for saying you’re done doing unpaid babysitting when someone else is present and sleeping. That’s fair.