I’m Not Your Babysitter: Why I Refused to Raise My Dad’s Stepkids This Summer

You’re a 17‑year‑old who’s been routinely pressured into babysitting your dad’s three young stepkids (ages 7, 6 and 5) for four straight summers. You made the decision to tell your dad: you won’t be babysitting this coming summer or ever again after, because you’ve planned to move out soon (on your 18th birthday) and you don’t want to be stuck in this role indefinitely.
Your dad accused you of being selfish, pointed out that you’ve been the most consistent figure in the kids’ lives, and said that because they “put a roof over your head for so long,” you owe it. His wife also confronted you, saying you’re abandoning the kids and leaving them sad. You’re asking: AITA (Am I the asshole) for standing your ground?

You’re not the asshole. You are absolutely within your rights to set boundaries around what you’re willing and able to do. You’re nearing adulthood, you’ve been placed in a long‑term unpaid babysitter role you never signed up for, and you’ve clearly communicated your limits. It’s fair to say no in this situation.

Elder children are often expected to take on extra responsibilities within the family

A 17-year-old shared how her father, who frequently left her with babysitters when she was younger, now expects her to care for his stepchildren

1. Teenagers and unwanted babysitting burdens

It’s common for older siblings or teenage family members to be asked to take on childcare responsibilities — sometimes regularly, sometimes under pressure. One article found that teenage babysitting isn’t always a choice, but often a demand placed on them by family circumstances. Vox
A recent case study of a 17‑year‑old forced to babysit his sister’s three kids nightly from age 13 showed the emotional toll of being treated like the default caregiver rather than still being allowed to just be a teenager. Bored Panda

“older children shouldn’t be forced to babysit their younger …” Reddit
In your situation, you weren’t just occasionally babysitting — you were doing it every summer for four years, because your dad and his wife expected you to fill that role. That kind of sustained expectation can block your own growth, freedom and future planning.

2. What is the typical babysitter role and how is this different?

When someone is hired (or at least agreed) to babysit, the responsibilities might include: ensuring the children are safe, feeding them, bathing them, helping with homework or bedtime routines, tidying up, etc. Indeed+1
What you have experienced is more like being an unpaid employee — forced into it because you live there and your dad expects you to “step up” because you live under his roof. That is different, because it removes your choice, your freedom, and likely your compensation or recognition for the role.
Moreover, from the research, teen babysitters should have the option to agree, set boundaries, and choose if/when they take on the role. But you lacked realistic choice until now.

3. Blended families, step‑kids, and obligations

In blended families (your dad + his wife + her kids), many emotional, financial and caregiving obligations are informal rather than legal. For example:

• Stepparents generally don’t automatically acquire full legal parental responsibility for stepchildren just by marrying the biological parent. Family Law Partners+1
• Many jurisdictions state that while moral/relational obligations exist, the legal duty to financially support or raise stepchildren may not. Divorce Attorney Cape Town
  What this means: Your dad and his wife might expect you to be the consistent caregiver, but legally you are not obligated to fill that role. And emotionally/relationally, you are absolutely allowed to set limits.

4. Youth transitioning into adulthood & reclaiming life

You’re at a critical point: turning 18 soon, finishing high school, and planning to leave. This matters a lot. Teens and young adults often feel the pressure of family caregiving and lose out on their own opportunities — social life, education, freedom, identity‑building.
One article noted: when teens take on heavy childcare roles, they often lose time to work, study, or simply relax; and this can compromise their own development. Vox
You reached a realistic and important boundary: you’re not the parent. You’re a child of your dad too; you’re still building your life. It is okay and healthy to say: I will no longer serve as your go‑to caregiver.

5. Why you’re not the asshole—and why them calling you one is more about emotion than fairness

• You have consistently helped for four years. That’s a long time. You were in a role you likely didn’t choose and for which you may not have been paid or recognized.
• You gave notice/declared your stance before you became legally an adult and moved out. You’re planning responsibly.
• You aren’t abandoning the children in a vacuum; you’re stepping out of a role you never agreed to continue. Their care is your father’s responsibility — not yours.
• Them saying you’ll “cost money” or that you owe it to them because you lived under their roof gives you obligation in return for a massive sacrifice on your part. That is more like emotional leverage than fair expectation.

6. Some nuance: what if you did want to help sometimes?

It’s worth noting that your stance could be framed not as “never ever” but as “I will no longer be your full‑time summer babysitter; we can negotiate occasionally if I choose and if I’m paid/compensated/respected.” But given your story, you may feel that’s too generous right now and you need complete separation. That also is valid.
If you ever decide to help in the future, you may want to set terms:

• When, how many hours, what’s expected of you.
• Compensation (monetary or non‑monetary) or at least respectful acknowledgement.
• Your right to say no without guilt or emotional manipulation.
  This kind of structure transforms the dynamic from “you owe it to me” to “we’re making an arrangement.”

7. What you can do (tips) for yourself going forward

• Communicate clearly and stay firm. You’ve already told your dad you won’t babysit anymore. If he reacts emotionally, remember you’ve made a reasonable decision.
• Plan your exit strategy. You mentioned staying with friends when you turn 18 and moving on. Make sure you’re prepared: housing, finances, emotional support.
• Reclaim your time. Use the summer to rest, study, earn money on your terms, or explore something you love — rather than being stuck in a role you didn’t sign up for.
• Set boundaries. You don’t have to justify your decision endlessly. If your dad’s wife says “the kids will be sad,” you can say: “I understand, but I’m not their parent and I’m not the one who chose to have them in my care indefinitely.”
• Seek support. Talk to trusted friends, maybe a school counselor, or someone who understands your side. You deserve support in this.

8. Why your feelings of guilt or “maybe I’m dumb for talking to him” are normal

Feeling guilty or like you “should” help comes from internalized family expectations and the way your dad has positioned you for years. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re wrong. You are simply redefining what you are willing to do.
Also, wanting to talk to him isn’t dumb. It shows you tried to engage maturely. The issue is less that you talked and more that your boundaries were not previously honored. So yes — you tried. Good on you.

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Many online commenters told the teen it wasn’t her responsibility to care for the kids and that she’d done enough, encouraging her to leave the house