AITA for sneaking onions into my cousin’s food and calling it ‘poisoning’?

I (F16) was left cooking for my family and my cousin (M16) this summer. My cousin is extremely picky — he refuses whole swaths of food by taste or texture, especially cooked onions (though he’ll eat onions raw). I made a quiche for dinner, snuck finely chopped onions into it, didn’t mention them, and he ate it — liked it even. Later I told him about the onions and told him maybe he should stop being so picky. He flipped out, called his parents. His dad and my parents laughed, but his mom (my aunt) was furious — said I basically “poisoned” him. So now I wonder … AITA?

It feels silly. On one hand, I didn’t know he’d like it (so maybe I forced him subtly). On the other, he’s been so annoying about his food restrictions and this was my little joke-slash-protest. It didn’t harm him (he’s not allergic). But it’s awkward and tension’s high now.

Most fussy eaters tend to feel misunderstood by their loved ones because of the nature of their food restrictions

The poster explained that she had to cook for her cousin while he was staying with her family for the summer, but since he was a picky eater, it was tough to manage

Okay — let’s dig into this a little. Because what you did isn’t a simple prank: it lives in that messy zone where food, boundaries, personal preferences, and respect collide.

🍽️ Understanding Picky Eating & What’s Normal

First — picky eating, especially in teens or kids, isn’t just being “dramatic” or “annoying.” There’s real science behind it. People who reject lots of foods often do so because of sensory sensitivity (taste, texture, smell) or even food neophobia (fear or aversion to certain foods or new foods). ScienceDirect+2PMC+2

It’s common: many children reject foods because of how they taste or feel in their mouth, or because different foods are mixed together — lumps, sauces, textures. PMC+2Wikipedia+2

Psychologists working with picky eaters say it’s often not about discipline or how one was raised — some kids are just wired with stronger sensitivities. Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia+1

So your cousin being picky — even at 16 — could just be part of how his brain works: strong aversions to certain tastes or textures.

Why People Try to “Hide” Foods — And Why That Often Fails Respect

Some cooks (especially when feeding picky eaters) try to “sneak” disliked ingredients in — chopping tiny, hiding among other things, hoping the eater won’t notice. This is sometimes done to help them gradually get used to new foods. Kids Eat in Color+1

But there’s a catch: hiding ingredients removes consent. Your cousin didn’t agree to eat onions — he refused them previously. By not telling him, you took away his choice.

For someone with strong sensory aversions (or even mild ones), that sense of trust matters. Food is more than fuel — it’s about comfort, predictability, and sometimes even control. When you hide something, you break that sense of control.

When Picky Eating Goes Deeper — Beyond Just Pickiness

Now — for many picky eaters, with time and gentle exposure, their tastes evolve. Experts often recommend a patient, pressure-free approach: offering a disliked food multiple times, letting them smell or touch it, maybe even eat a tiny bit — without force or coercion. Over weeks/months, they might learn to accept it. Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia+1

But covertly hiding ingredients isn’t part of that — because it denies them the choice.

Also — there’s a bigger thing here: when picky eating is extreme, consistent, and tied to strong sensory rejection, it can sometimes border on what clinicians call Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). Wikipedia+1

While I’m not saying your cousin has ARFID — this shows that extreme food restrictions can be rooted in serious sensory or psychological reality, not just “kids being annoying.”

What Happens When You Force (Even Subtly) Someone To Eat

Studies looking at feeding behavior show that coercive or controlling practices (pressuring to eat, hiding things, guilt-tripping) tend to backfire. They’re linked to unhealthy eating behaviors, more stress around mealtime, and even disordered eating long-term. Healthy Eating Research+2ResearchGate+2

People forced to eat or tricked into eating disliked foods might start avoiding meals altogether, develop anxiety around eating, or hold grudges — because mealtime becomes less about nourishment and more about fear or control.

Also important: picky eaters often have strong negative reactions to foods with mixed textures/tastes or “hidden lumps.” PMC+1 That means your quiche — a mixed dish — was exactly the kind of food many picky eaters find hardest.

So by hiding onions, you increased the risk of a meal-time disaster (vomit, gagging, disgust) — even if this time your cousin was fine.

Where Does That Leave Responsibility & Respect?

I get it — your cousin’s picky list was a nightmare. Cooking separate meals for everyone gets exhausting. And sometimes, as a teen, you might feel like “this is ridiculous” and just want him to suck it up. Especially when he eats raw onion fine, but goes ballistic over cooked ones.

But: cooking for someone means respecting their boundaries. If he says “I won’t eat cooked onion,” you basically signed up for cooking meals that fit his preferences — or at least telling him what’s in the food.

By sneaking onions and then gloating afterward (“Haha, you ate it, now try to be less picky!”), you violated that unspoken agreement. That’s not a light prank — it undermines trust.

Could You Have Handled It Differently — Without Sneaking?

Yes — there are gentler, more respectful approaches:

• Introduce disliked foods gradually, in separate form (e.g. let raw onion on the side, or caramelized onion strips separately). This gives control back to him. Kids Eat in Color+1
• Offer variety and choice: sometimes picky eaters respond better if they help serve themselves or choose among options. Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia+1
• Accept that some people physically can’t tolerate certain tastes/textures — and forcing it isn’t worth the trouble.

If you wanted to push, a gentle conversation about why he dislikes cooked onions (taste? smell? texture? fear of lumps?) — maybe you might find some compromise.

So: Were You Really “Poisoning” Him — Or Just Disrespectful?

Technically — no. You didn’t physically harm him. He wasn’t allergic, didn’t get sick, and seems to have enjoyed the quiche. So calling it “poisoning” is extreme.

But morally? You crossed a line. By hiding ingredients, you ignored his explicit preference. That feels more like disrespect than humor.

Your aunt’s words might sound dramatic, but I get the spirit behind them: cooking involves trust. And you broke that trust — even if no real harm was done.

Folks were divided on the issue, with some completely against the poster’s trickery and others thinking she did the right thing

---

Where This Leaves Us — My Take

You weren’t an asshole in the sense of wanting to hurt him. You were frustrated. You tried to cope. But you leaned on a sneaky move, one that treated him like he was just being childish — not as someone with valid boundaries.

If I were you: I’d say sorry. Admit you misjudged. Maybe talk to him. Next time, offer choices. Don’t sneak things in.

Because cooking for someone shouldn’t be a power play — it should be care.