Man Wants to Install Home Surveillance Cameras After Wife Dodges Questions About Scratches on Her Back
OP finds herself caught in a storm of mistrust after her husband noticed unexplained scratches on her back—deep enough to concern him, yet familiar to her due to her sensitive skin and history of night scratching. The situation escalated quickly when her husband, suspicious from past trauma and unresolved intimacy issues, implied infidelity and demanded surveillance cameras be installed inside their apartment to “get to the bottom of it.”
Despite OP’s clear history of skin irritation, personal explanations, and demonstrations of flexibility, her husband remained unconvinced. Instead of approaching the matter with open communication and concern, he shifted into surveillance mode, using the logic: “If you’re not hiding anything, why say no?”—a red flag in many relationships. For OP, it’s not about hiding anything—it’s about trust, respect, and privacy.
This story dives deep into trust issues in long-term relationships, especially those burdened by past betrayals and physical challenges like erectile dysfunction (ED). It also raises uncomfortable questions about surveillance in intimate spaces, consent in shared living situations, and the emotional cost of suspicion.
Without trust, a romantic relationship, especially a marriage, doesn’t last long in this world
One woman, who has very sensitive skin that gets especially itchy in the summer, found herself at the end of a surprising accusation thanks to deep scratches on her back
When Scratches, Surveillance, and Suspicions Collide – What’s Really Going On Here?
Let’s talk about it. This isn’t just about scratches. It’s not even just about cheating. It’s about privacy, emotional safety, and how mistrust can ruin relationships—even when there’s no betrayal.
Here’s a breakdown of the big issues here, and what we all can take from it.
1. Skin Conditions and Self-Scratching While Sleeping Is Real
Before we even get to the relationship dynamics, let’s talk facts. What OP is describing—waking up with deep scratches, itchy skin, and bloody sheets—is very common for people with certain skin sensitivities.
Conditions like:
- Dermatographia (aka “skin writing”)
- Eczema
- Allergic contact dermatitis
- Dry skin caused by heat, stress, or bedding materials
…can all cause severe night-time itching and scratching, sometimes subconsciously. Even fingernails that aren’t sharp can tear the skin if there’s enough pressure and repetitive motion while asleep.
And when you’re alone for a week at a time—like OP is while her husband works away—it’s not surprising no one noticed it happen.
2. Surveillance Inside the Home = Huge Breach of Trust
Now this is where things turn. Her husband’s suggestion to install CCTV inside their home? That’s not protective—it’s controlling.
There’s a big difference between outdoor security and indoor surveillance. Inside your home is where you’re supposed to feel safe, free, and relaxed. When cameras enter that space, especially without mutual agreement, it can feel like your life is under constant suspicion.
Even if nothing illegal is happening, it feels like a punishment. Like you’re constantly being watched. And no, the whole “if you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t care” logic doesn’t apply in marriage. That’s how workplaces justify surveillance. Not how loving partnerships should operate.
3. Unresolved Trauma and Trust Issues Are Fueling This
This isn’t just about what’s happening now—it’s also about what happened before.
OP’s husband was cheated on by an ex, and clearly never healed from it. Add in the fact that they haven’t had proper sex in six years due to erectile dysfunction, and there’s a painful cocktail of:
- Low self-worth
- Insecurity
- Fear of not being “enough”
- Hypervigilance for signs of betrayal
It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it helps explain it. He’s hurting. But instead of facing the real problem—his unresolved emotional wounds and intimacy fears—he’s projecting it onto OP and blaming her for things that don’t add up.
4. Weaponizing the “Guilty If You Refuse” Tactic Is Manipulative
Let’s unpack this toxic logic: “If you’re not hiding anything, why won’t you agree?”
That’s manipulation. Plain and simple. It shifts the burden of proof onto the accused, forcing them to either surrender their privacy or look guilty.
But here’s the truth: you can say no without being guilty. You can want privacy. You can say “this makes me uncomfortable” and still be telling the truth. You don’t owe anyone surveillance in your own home just to make them feel better about their anxiety.
5. This Could Become a Bigger Pattern If Not Addressed
What happens when the cameras don’t show cheating (because there isn’t any)? Does he apologize and take them down? Or does he find another reason to watch?
This is where emotional abuse can start to creep in. It starts with:
- “I just need to be sure.”
- Then it’s, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going out?”
- Then maybe, “Let me see your phone.”
And suddenly, your life becomes a cage built on someone else’s paranoia.
6. Intimacy Isn’t Just Sex—It’s Trust, Too
OP’s husband mentioned she had a “good enough reason” to cheat because of his ED. That’s heartbreaking—not just because he’s struggling, but because he thinks his only value in the relationship is physical.
What he needs is support, therapy, and possibly medical treatment—not more walls between them. Sexless marriages can work when both partners communicate, support each other, and find new ways to connect. But trust must stay intact.
7. How OP Can Respond (Without Losing Herself)
Here’s the real advice OP needs:
- Don’t cave to surveillance. That’s a slippery slope and sets a dangerous precedent.
- Offer alternatives: suggest counseling (both personal and couples), and make it clear that his insecurities need healing.
- Set clear boundaries: “I understand you’re hurting, but I won’t give up my privacy to prove something I didn’t do.”
- Document everything: Just in case this escalates, it’s good to keep track of what was said and when.
In the comments, readers agreed that the woman wasn’t a jerk to be mad at the idea of having CCTV installed, but suggested she see a dermatologist as soon as possible
No, OP’s not the asshole. She’s a woman stuck in a relationship where trust is breaking down—not because of something she did, but because her partner can’t move past his own pain. Surveillance isn’t the answer. Healing is. And if he can’t stop making her feel like the villain for protecting her boundaries, it might be time to ask the hard question: Is this love, or is this control?
