He Gave Me Back My Own Stuff for Christmas—Now I’m the Problem?
This story unpacks a Christmas morning that turned from cozy to uncomfortable in minutes. The original poster (OP) recounts how, weeks before the holidays, a shirt she bought went missing—along with a small Amazon makeup order that never arrived. She lives with her boyfriend, and while she noticed the items had disappeared, she didn’t think much beyond frustration at the time.
Then came Christmas. OP, having put thoughtful energy into her boyfriend’s gifts (concert tickets and a game he’d wanted), was surprised to open her own presents and find—no joke—the exact missing shirt and makeup products that had previously vanished. Alongside them? A $10 Chipotle gift card.
Shocked, she calmly questioned her boyfriend, wondering if he had taken the items and “gifted” them back. He denied everything, claiming he must’ve just had really good instincts. When she kept pressing, he pointed to the Chipotle gift card as “proof” that not all the gifts were repurposed. Now he’s calling her crazy and ungrateful for her reaction—and even though she feels like her gut is right, she’s wondering if she’s the problem.
A woman opened her Christmas presents and thought that they looked familiar
It turns out that her boyfriend might have stolen the items she bought and lost, and passed them off as gifts
Alright, let’s unpack the emotional landmine of this situation. At first glance, it might seem petty—getting upset over gifts, especially when so many people receive socks or soap sets for Christmas. But this goes deeper than just being disappointed in a present. This is about trust, emotional effort, manipulation, and a serious mismatch in relationship values.
This Isn’t About the Shirt — It’s About Trust
Let’s be blunt: the odds of your boyfriend randomly buying the exact same shirt and the exact three missing makeup products that vanished weeks ago? Close to zero. Like, Powerball-level odds. This wasn’t a lucky guess. It feels almost certain he found your missing items—or took them—and tried to pass them off as thoughtful gifts.
And that’s weird. Not quirky, not forgetful—weird.
Because here’s the thing: even if you wanted those items, you already bought them. And they went missing under mysterious circumstances while living with the one person now claiming to have “intuited” what you liked. It’s not just suspicious—it’s insulting to your intelligence.
The Chipotle Card Defense is a Classic Deflection
Let’s talk manipulation tactics—specifically deflection and emotional gaslighting. When you called out the absurd coincidence, your boyfriend didn’t try to calmly explain. He pulled the classic move: highlight one unrelated thing (the Chipotle gift card) to “prove” that the rest must also be legitimate.
But a $10 fast food card doesn’t erase the fact that everything else looks sketchy. In fact, if anything, it makes the situation worse. It shows that he knew he needed something else to pad out the gift pile—which makes it feel more like a cover-up than a coincidence.
Emotional Labor: You Put In the Effort, He Gave You a Cop-Out
You spent time picking thoughtful gifts: concert tickets, a video game he mentioned, stuff that showed you were listening and invested in making him feel seen and appreciated.
He, on the other hand, appears to have just rummaged through your stuff and slapped a bow on it.
Let’s be real—this isn’t just lazy. It’s disrespectful. It sends a clear message: Your feelings don’t matter as much as my convenience.
And now that you’ve called it out? He’s doubling down by calling you crazy, rather than apologizing or even trying to make amends. That’s emotional manipulation 101.
Gaslighting With Guilt: “You’re Ungrateful”
Gaslighting isn’t just lying—it’s making someone question their own reality. You knew your items went missing. You were confused, not accusatory, when you opened the gifts. You even waited before bringing it up. You didn’t fly off the handle. But the moment you questioned him, he turned it around:
- “You’re crazy.”
- “You’re ungrateful.”
- “You’re making this up.”
These are not the words of someone who feels misunderstood. They’re the words of someone trying to shut you up before you get any closer to the truth.
Why You’re Not Overreacting
Let’s be super clear: you’re not overreacting.
You didn’t accuse him out of nowhere. You brought up a series of extremely strange coincidences with calm suspicion. That’s rational. What’s not rational is expecting someone to thank you for giving them their own stolen property back, under the guise of a holiday present.
There’s a deeper issue here too—if he did take your stuff, lied about it, and used it as a gift, that’s a serious boundary violation. It’s not “harmless.” It’s manipulative, and it shows that he doesn’t respect you enough to admit fault or put in emotional effort.
What This Says About the Relationship
This kind of behavior isn’t just a red flag—it’s a neon billboard.
If this is how he handles gift-giving, imagine how he might handle bigger issues: trust, finances, parenting, long-term commitment. If he’s quick to lie and gaslight over a shirt and some eyeliner, what else is he capable of brushing off or deflecting?
Let’s not forget: this was Christmas, a time when couples are usually at their best, most giving, and most thoughtful. If this was him at his “best,” what’s the rest of the year going to look like?
Commenters saw this as a huge red flag, urging the woman to look out for herself
No, you’re not ungrateful. No, you’re not overreacting. And no, you’re not crazy.
You’re a person who wanted a real connection, who gave thoughtful gifts, and who was met with sketchy behavior, emotional manipulation, and a total lack of accountability.
You have every right to feel weirded out, suspicious, and upset. Whether you choose to confront him again, push for an honest answer, or even rethink the relationship—that’s up to you. But trust your gut. It’s doing its job.
