She Thought She Was Helping A New Friend With Kids, Turns Out She Was Just Free Help
This AIO story is about someone who jumped in to help a neighbor and slowly figured out they were never really seen as a friend. Just help. They met in a local Facebook group and everything escalated fast. Groceries. Rides. Paying bills. Even covering a kid’s birthday party. At first it felt good. Like real community. Like doing the right thing. But then a personal loss hit, mental health started slipping, and things got heavy. Anxiety, grief, emotional burnout, all at once. Therapy-level stuff. That’s when healthy boundaries, emotional support, and mutual effort actually mattered. And that’s when the whole thing started feeling wrong.
Now every text from this woman causes instant stress. That pit in the stomach, fight-or-flight feeling. The OP feels more like a piggy bank than a friend. Like free emotional labor, financial support, and zero care back. Not a human with limits or mental health needs. They’re stuck wondering if blocking her is extreme or just basic self-care. This hits on toxic friendships, financial stress, caregiver burnout, anxiety triggers, and boundary setting guilt. A lot of people end up here when kindness gets mistaken for unlimited access, and saying no feels worse than the damage it’s doing.
Sometimes you lend a hand, offer support, or say “yes” one time then somehow, suddenly, you’re the go-to person for everything
The author met a local mom on Facebook in fall 2024 after seeing that she needed help to take her child to school
Let’s talk about this for real. Because that pit in your stomach isn’t random or made up. It’s your nervous system doing its job. It’s your brain saying something here isn’t safe or balanced anymore. And noticing that doesn’t make you dramatic, cold, or a bad person. It makes you human. When stress shows up that fast, it’s usually because you’ve been stretched too thin for too long, and your body knows it before your mind catches up. That feeling is information. Not guilt. Not weakness. Just a signal that something feels off and you’re allowed to listen to it.
1. What Defines a Real Friend vs. Someone Using You
A real friend shows up in mutual, not transactional ways. In healthy friendships, support isn’t one‑sided. You both give, you both receive, and there’s respect. But in this scenario, from what you described, the dynamic quickly felt like:
- You giving money, time, energy, rides, groceries.
- Her expecting you to always be there.
- Minimal emotional support or backup for you when you were struggling.
That doesn’t feel like friendship. That feels like someone tapping into your kindness as a resource.
And that’s where the piggy bank feeling comes from. When someone values what you can give more than who you are, it triggers a gut response that something is emotionally imbalanced.
Friendship isn’t just about:
❤️ Being there when life is easy
🤝 Giving gifts and favors
It’s also about:
🫂 Being there when you need support
📞 Checking in when you go quiet
💬 Responding with care, not entitlement
Right now, your experience leans toward being expected to provide. Not to connect.
2. You Didn’t Ghost — You Needed Space
You mentioned pulling back when your best friend went into hospice and passed. That’s not small stuff. That’s grief, depression, emotional trauma all stacked together. Anyone dealing with loss like that needs space, time, maybe even therapy or grief counseling just to breathe again. People who truly care get that. They don’t rush healing or make it about themselves. Real emotional support looks like patience, not pressure.
Instead, her reaction to your silence feels way more tied to her needs. She got upset when you weren’t responding fast enough. That’s a big signal. It starts to look less like a friendship and more like dependency. Like your value in the relationship was tied to what you could give, fix, or pay for. When mental health boundaries show up, that’s when these dynamics get exposed.
Think about the difference. A real friend says, “I’m here whenever you’re ready.” No guilt. No timeline. Someone who just needs help says, “Why aren’t you answering me right now?” That gap matters. One is care. The other is entitlement. And your nervous system can feel that difference even if your heart is still trying to be kind.
3. You’re Not Responsible for Her Household
You acknowledged that her life isn’t easy. Her kids need help. And yes, that’s real and valid. But your plate is already full. You’re carrying your own mental health, your own losses, your own bills and responsibilities. Taking on hers too isn’t just exhausting — it’s unsustainable.
Helping someone out now and then is noble. But when it becomes:
📌 Expected
📌 Constant
📌 Emotionally draining
…that’s not friendship anymore. That’s unpaid labor, disguised as needing help.
A good friend would look for support systems for her family, not solely rely on you. She’d accept help with appreciation, not entitlement.
4. Your Boundaries Were Loose — And She Took Advantage
You said you struggle to set boundaries. That’s something a lot of kind people deal with. When you’re someone who gives freely, others sometimes — unintentionally or intentionally — take that as a cue to push limits.
For example:
- You gave rides, groceries, party organization
- She didn’t help you when you were hurting
- The friendship felt one‑sided
- You felt guilt instead of gratitude when you pulled back
That’s a boundary issue, not a character flaw.
You weren’t rude for needing space. You weren’t unreasonable for feeling overwhelmed. You weren’t wrong to notice the imbalance.
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They protect your mental well‑being.
5. Emotional Drain Isn’t Friendship
You described that every time you see a message from her, you get a pit in your stomach. That’s your nervous system reacting to a stress trigger, not a breakdown.
Healthy friendships feel:
🙂 Warm
🙂 Welcoming
🙂 Supportive
Toxic or draining relationships feel:
😞 Heavy
😖 Obligatory
😟 Stressful
You’re allowed to pay attention to how your body reacts. Your body senses emotional patterns faster than your conscious mind.
That pit in your stomach is a sign that something’s emotionally unsafe.
6. Blocking Isn’t Cruel — It’s a Boundary
The big question you asked: AIO if I block her?
Let’s unpack that.
Blocking someone isn’t about being mean. It’s about:
🚫 Creating space
🧠 Protecting emotional health
🛑 Ending patterns that hurt you
You’re not obligated to be available to someone who doesn’t support you back — especially when you’re struggling. Blocking can be temporary or permanent. It’s a tool to maintain your peace.
And you aren’t obligated to justify it to anyone. Especially when she has shown you distress, not friendship.
7. You’re Not Overreacting — You’re Healing
You said you felt like an AH for feeling used. But here’s the truth:
You’re not an AH.
You’re not weak.
You’re not unkind for noticing an emotional imbalance.
You’re human. You’re overwhelmed. You’re protective of your stability.
That’s normal.
Feeling used hurts. It stings when someone expects more than you have. Especially when you offered kindness from a genuine place.
Feeling hurt doesn’t make you dramatic. It means you care.
And caring about your own limits is a strength — not a flaw.
8. When It’s Time To Walk Away
Signs you’re not overreacting:
✅ You feel anxious around them
✅ They rarely check in on you
✅ They react explosively when you say no
✅ You give more than you receive
✅ You dread their messages
If most of these fit, your feelings are valid.
Sometimes, walking away isn’t giving up — it’s choosing self‑respect.
9. Friends Should Uplift — Not Drain
A real friend:
✨ Respects your boundaries
✨ Offers support during your hard times
✨ Doesn’t guilt you for needing space
✨ Doesn’t treat you like a wallet
Right now, this situation looks like someone relying on your good heart, not someone honoring your whole self.
That’s not friendship.
That’s emotional labor.
And you deserve friends, not clients of kindness services.
Netizens agreed that the author was completely justified in wanting to cut the woman off, highlighting that their dynamic was unhealthy anyway
So, AIO?
No. You’re not overreacting at all. You’re reacting to repeated stress, emotional pressure, and a situation that doesn’t feel safe for your mental health. Feelings aren’t random. They’re data. Your brain’s way of saying “this is draining me.”
Blocking someone who causes anxiety, guilt, or emotional burnout isn’t mean. It’s self-care. Especially when you’ve already given time, money, energy, and emotional labor. You’re allowed to step back. You don’t owe unlimited access just because you were once kind.
You deserve friendships that feel supportive, not transactional. Ones that give you peace, not a knot in your stomach. Connections that respect boundaries instead of pushing them.
And if you want help writing a gentle message, a soft close, or even something short and firm before blocking, I’ve got you. You get to protect your peace without explaining yourself into exhaustion.
