AIBU to Decline My BIL’s Child-Free Destination Wedding Despite Being Willing to Attend Before?
law’s wedding abroad next July. The wedding is planned as a big overseas destination wedding, and it comes after a legal marriage that already took place in March. My husband and I were originally planning to attend with our two young children, who will be around 2 and 4 years old at the time. We even treated it like a family holiday, but the total travel and accommodation costs are very high, around £11,000.
Later, the bride and groom said the wedding would be “over 21s only.” Our children would only be allowed to attend for a short time during the weekend, like a dinner event and a couple of hours on the wedding day. Because of this change, my husband and I decided to adjust our plans. We thought it might be easier for only my husband to attend the destination wedding instead of the whole family traveling.
After we made this decision, the situation became tense. My brother-in-law suggested that my sick mother could come and look after our children, which is not realistic or appropriate. My mother-in-law also said we were being cheap and accused us of causing family problems because of our decision not to attend as a full family. Now my brother-in-law wants another phone call to discuss everything again.
At this point, I am confused and stressed about the situation and wondering if we are being unreasonable for changing our travel plans, considering the high cost, childcare limitations, family expectations, and the new wedding rules for guests.
The poster’s brother-in-law is getting married in a different country, so they planned to turn it into a family vacation with their two kids
Destination Wedding, Travel Costs, and Child-Free Rules (Easy English)
This situation is about a destination wedding, high travel costs, and a rule that children are not allowed at the wedding. It has created stress for a family with young kids.
It also connects to topics like family travel planning, wedding expenses, parenting logistics, and financial stress for families.
1. Child-Free Destination Weddings Can Be Hard for Families
A child-free wedding means children are not allowed at the event.
This is the couple’s choice, and they are allowed to make it. But when the wedding is also in another country, it becomes much harder for guests.
For families with young children, a destination wedding can mean:
- Long flights (8+ hours)
- Passport and travel paperwork
- Jet lag and sleep problems
- Finding safe childcare abroad
- Managing toddlers in a new place
- High stress during travel
This makes it more than just attending a wedding—it becomes a full family travel challenge.
2. High Travel Costs and Financial Pressure
In this case, the family was expected to spend around £11,000.
That is a very large amount of money. For many people, this is:
- More than a yearly savings goal
- Close to a home deposit in some places
- A major financial decision
When a destination wedding cost is this high, families need to think carefully about:
- Budget
- Childcare needs
- Work leave
- Overall value of the trip
If children are not allowed, the trip can feel even less practical.
3. Emotional Side: Kids Not Being Included
The children in this situation are family members and cousins.
For parents, it can feel emotional when:
- Their children are not invited
- They have to travel far without them
- Family events exclude young kids
In close families, children usually grow up together. So excluding them from a major event can feel disappointing and create emotional distance.
This is a common topic in family relationship dynamics and wedding guest decisions.
4. Family Pressure and Arguments
There is also stress from family discussions, especially with the mother-in-law.
She feels stuck in the middle and is trying to push for agreement. But the main issue is simple:
- The couple made a rule (no children)
- The family is trying to decide if they can follow it
This kind of situation often leads to tension in family communication and wedding planning conflicts.
5. Unrealistic Babysitting Idea
One suggestion was to bring an elderly family member on a long flight to babysit.
This is not practical because:
- Long flights are very tiring
- Caring for toddlers is hard work
- It may not be safe or comfortable
- It puts pressure on someone who may not be healthy
In travel planning for families with kids, safety and comfort are very important.
6. They Are Not Refusing the Wedding
The key point is:
They are not refusing to attend the wedding completely.
Instead, they are adjusting their plans:
- One parent may still attend
- They are respecting the couple’s rules
- They are trying to manage costs and childcare
This is a compromise, not a rejection.
7. Are They Wrong? (Simple Answer)
Based on the situation, they are not wrong.
Because:
- They respected the child-free wedding rule
- They accepted the destination wedding plan
- They considered their budget and family needs
- They are still trying to attend in some form
This is a normal response to high-cost destination weddings and family travel limitations.
After the poster’s updates, netizens felt that her in-laws had no sense of boundaries and were demanding something very unfair from the couple
Final Thought
This situation shows how destination weddings, child-free rules, and high travel costs can create stress for families.
When children are involved, planning becomes more complex, and families often need to balance:
- Money
- Travel difficulty
- Childcare
- Family expectations
Choosing what works best for your family is not selfish—it is part of responsible financial planning and family decision-making.
