AITA for Wanting to Move Out After Being Treated Like a Maid by My In-Laws?
When you and your husband agreed to move in with his parents, it was to support his father’s health recovery. You did it out of care. But over time, that support turned into unpaid labor. You now handle everything—cooking, cleaning, pet care, appointments, groceries, bills—all while working from home. Your in-laws don’t charge rent, but you shoulder most of the household expenses and upkeep. Despite that, your contributions go unnoticed—until they’re missed.
Things boiled over when you got sick. Instead of getting rest, you were woken up to make dinner. While you struggled through illness to serve them, they relaxed and watched a movie. No one offered to help. Your MIL even asked you to clean more after seeing how awful you looked. You called out the behavior and were met with silence. Your husband said you could’ve been “less emotional,” but offered no firm support. Now, you want to move out. They don’t. You’re stuck wondering—AITA for finally saying something and wanting out?
Nobody should be treated like they’re an unpaid servant at home
A woman vented her frustrations with her in-laws and husband, asking netizens if she’s wrong to want to move out
This isn’t help anymore—it’s exploitation
Let’s be clear. What started as helping out has turned into a one-sided unpaid caregiver role, and that’s not okay. You’re essentially performing full-time domestic labor on top of your remote job. High CPC terms like invisible labor, emotional burnout, and unpaid caregiver stress are all relevant here. What you’re doing isn’t light support—it’s keeping their home running. And they treat it like it’s owed.
You’re paying bills, handling logistics, and even funding house upgrades “because it’ll be yours one day.” That’s not a gift—it’s a manipulation tactic that ties your labor to a future you can’t even count on. There’s no legal guarantee. And in the meantime, you’re exhausting yourself.
What you’re feeling is burnout—and it’s real
You’re not being dramatic. You’re burned out. The kind that comes from chronic, unbalanced emotional and physical labor. Studies have shown that when someone carries the mental load of a household with no recognition or rest, it leads to depression, resentment, and emotional fatigue. And when this happens inside a family system, especially involving in-laws, it gets even more complex due to power dynamics.
According to the American Psychological Association, unpaid domestic labor—especially when expected from daughters-in-law—often goes unacknowledged and contributes to long-term emotional exhaustion. So your frustration? Totally valid.
You got sick—and they still expected you to serve
One of the most telling parts of your story is what happened when you were ill. Instead of letting you rest, they expected you to cook for them while they watched a movie. That’s not just inconsiderate—it’s dehumanizing.
Let’s call it what it is: caretaker exploitation. When your worth in a household is measured only by what you do for others, your basic needs (rest, kindness, empathy) become secondary. That moment of you nearly passing out while preparing food—and them ignoring your state—is the proof. If they cared about you as a person, they would’ve ordered takeout and told you to sleep.
“You should’ve said it nicer.” No. You were sick.
Your husband’s reaction—saying you should’ve brought it up when you weren’t “so emotional”—is a common deflection. It’s a way to sidestep the content of your concern by focusing on the delivery. But honestly? You were sick. Tired. Worn down. There is no perfect time to bring up being exploited—and frankly, when you’re pushed to that edge, your emotion is justified.
Emotional labor includes being expected to always be polite, calm, and deferential—even while others mistreat you. That’s not sustainable. You cracked because you’re human. And still—your feelings are valid.
You’ve already given—now you’re asking for space
You’re not trying to leave in a cruel or selfish way. You’re not demanding repayment or storming out. You’re just asking for space. Independence. The chance to have your own home where you aren’t seen as the default cook, cleaner, and emotional punching bag.
Let’s highlight this:
- You pay multiple household bills
- You take care of the pets
- You organize vet appointments
- You do all the cooking and cleaning
- You still work a job from home
- You’ve sacrificed time, energy, and freedom
So wanting out? That’s not betrayal. That’s self-preservation.
Your MIL’s silence is emotional manipulation
After you stood up for yourself, your MIL gave you the silent treatment for days. That’s not healthy. That’s emotional withdrawal, a classic tactic used to punish without words. It’s meant to make you feel guilty, to doubt your stance, and to restore the old balance—where they benefit, and you stay silent.
But here’s the truth: this is not a partnership. It’s not a family unit working together. It’s you being used. And the longer you stay, the harder it’ll be to break that dynamic.
What about your husband?
Here’s the tough part. Your husband seems passive. Apologetic, sure. But when it came time to speak up with you, he was silent. This matters. Because it shows where the loyalty balance currently sits. If he won’t support your very basic right to rest and not be a servant, that needs to be addressed.
It’s time for a serious sit-down. Maybe even couple’s therapy. But at minimum, you need to express: “If we don’t move out soon, this marriage is going to suffer because I am not okay here anymore.” That’s not an ultimatum—it’s the truth.
You’re not an AH—you’re surviving
Reddit calls this a “Not the A-hole” situation for a reason. You’ve given time, energy, care, labor, money—and now you want a life. That’s not selfish. That’s human.
You’re not being unreasonable for wanting boundaries. You’re not cruel for wanting a home where you aren’t expected to perform unpaid labor. You’re not the bad guy for saying “enough.”
Folks online deemed the woman not a jerk for wanting a better life, suggesting she legs it as fast as she can
So, are you the asshole?
Absolutely not.
You moved in to help. And you helped. But now? You’re being used. And worse, no one’s even acknowledging it. That’s the worst kind of emotional betrayal—the kind where you’re only visible when you’re working.
It’s okay to want to move out. It’s okay to want your own life. And it’s definitely okay to stop being treated like a live-in maid.
Wanting space doesn’t make you selfish.
Staying silent would make you slowly disappear.
You deserve more than that.
