He Bullied Me for Years, Now He Wants My Help—Am I the Bad Guy?
In this emotional family conflict, a 17-year-old boy (OP) is grappling with a dilemma many people face: whether to help family members who’ve hurt you in the past. His older brother James (28M), who has consistently mistreated and excluded him for years, is now expecting OP to help by meal-prepping food for his growing family—including his pregnant wife Erica and three kids.
Despite having a long-standing pattern of emotional neglect and even bullying from James and Erica, OP is being pushed by their mutual parents to put aside the past and “help out” for the sake of family unity. But OP refuses, standing firm on his boundary that respect and decency should come before familial obligation. Now he’s facing criticism from both his parents and brother, being told this is a chance to “build bridges”—even though no one seems to care that those bridges were burned years ago.
So the big question here is: Is OP the bad guy for refusing to prep meals for a family that’s made him feel unwanted his entire life?
Unfortunately, some people get stuck with the worst elder siblings ever, who just love to bully them
The poster never had a good relationship with his elder brother (James), who always hated him and made his life hell
This story hits deep because it’s not just about food. It’s about boundaries, past trauma, and the complicated mess of family loyalty. And yeah—it’s also about emotional labor, something way too many people are expected to give for free, especially within families.
Let’s break it all down.
1. Family Obligation vs. Emotional Abuse
When you’re expected to forgive and forget without any apology, that’s not family—that’s emotional manipulation.
OP wasn’t just ignored by his brother. He was bullied, humiliated, excluded, and emotionally pushed aside. That stuff adds up, especially during formative years. Psychology Today reports that siblings who emotionally abuse or exclude one another can leave scars just as deep as parental neglect. 1
James and Erica didn’t just have a “rocky” relationship with OP—they actively made him feel like crap, then expected him to be the bigger person without ever owning their role in the fallout.
2. What About the Parents? Enablers or Just Naive?
OP’s parents seem more interested in keeping peace with the older, married son than protecting the younger one still living at home. That’s classic scapegoating behavior, where one child (usually the more sensitive or different one) is treated like the problem, while the others are shielded—even when they’re clearly in the wrong.
And let’s talk about that whole “you’re hurting their family” thing. As if OP hasn’t been treated like an outsider in his own family since day one. He doesn’t even know his nieces and nephews. How are you supposed to care for people you’ve never been allowed to get close to?
3. Meal Prepping Isn’t Just “Easy”
Here’s the thing: meal prep is time-consuming. It’s physical and emotional labor. It’s planning, shopping, cooking, and cleaning. It’s a big ask, even for someone you like.
So when people say, “You’re already cooking—just make more,” they’re ignoring the actual effort behind it. Plus, OP is paying for his own ingredients. His parents want him to use their food for James’ family, which OP doesn’t even like or normally use.
That’s more than a small inconvenience. That’s being told to change your habits, your time, and your money for people who treat you like a ghost.
4. Why Forgiveness Shouldn’t Be Free
Let’s hit another big keyword: rebuilding trust.
Forgiveness is powerful. But it has to come from both sides. OP is being told this is a chance to “build bridges.” But a bridge takes work from both ends. James hasn’t said sorry. He hasn’t even acknowledged the years of mistreatment. Hell, he laughed in OP’s face when asked about it.
You don’t rebuild trust by demanding favors. You start with honesty, empathy, and accountability. And James has shown zero interest in that.
5. It’s Okay to Say No—Even to Family
Boundaries aren’t cruel. They’re necessary. Especially when you’re dealing with people who’ve disrespected you repeatedly.
Mental health experts say that saying “no” to toxic family members is one of the healthiest things you can do, even if it makes others uncomfortable. 2
OP isn’t out here trash-talking his brother to the whole family. He’s not asking for revenge. He’s simply choosing not to give free labor to someone who’s never been kind. That’s not petty—that’s self-respect.
6. Generational Guilt Is Real
Boomers and even some Gen X parents often pass down this idea that family loyalty means always giving in. But Gen Z and Millennials? They’re not buying it anymore.
We’re finally having conversations around intergenerational trauma, boundary setting, and mental wellness.
Helping people should come from love and respect, not guilt and fear. OP doesn’t owe anyone, not even family, the right to his energy and effort—especially when they’ve done nothing to earn it.
Netizens were horrified by the parents who were enabling James’s behavior, and they advised the poster to stand his ground
- He’s drawing a line after years of mistreatment.
- His brother wants help but refuses to acknowledge past harm.
- OP’s parents are enabling the toxic dynamic and ignoring OP’s feelings.
- Meal prep isn’t “just a chore”—it’s labor, time, and personal investment.
- You’re allowed to protect your peace, even from blood relatives.
Honestly? OP’s being way more mature than most people in his shoes would be. He’s not cussing anyone out or trying to cut the whole family off. He just doesn’t want to be used by people who’ve never shown him love.
And that’s more than fair.
