Did I Have to Give Up My Inheritance for My Sister’s Wedding?
You were your father’s primary caregiver. You moved back, handled appointments, bills, emergencies — essentially ran the home during his decline. When he passed, his will left you the lion’s share of liquid assets, explicitly tied to your sacrifices during his illness. Meanwhile, your sister lived out of state, visited infrequently, and was relatively uninvolved in care.
Now she’s demanding $30,000 from your inheritance to pay for her extravagant wedding, claiming “Dad would’ve wanted you to share.” Your mother is pressuring you too, arguing that family comes first. You see this as unfair: your inheritance is meant for your future, not someone else’s big party. The tension, guilt, and accusations have everything spiraling.
So: are you the asshole for refusing?
Money can, unfortunately, create tension among family members
It happened to these two sisters after one of them was due to receive a large inheritance from their late father
Let’s dig into what’s really going on here — resentment, entitlement, fairness, legal versus emotional obligations — so you can see this from all sides.
1. Emotional labor and caregiving deserve recognition
Caring for a dying parent is work — often invisible work, with emotional, physical, and financial costs. You gave up time, energy, stability, maybe even career opportunities to be present. Those sacrifices matter. It’s reasonable to expect some form of acknowledgment, whether from your father’s will, your family, or your own sense of self-worth.
When someone who was less present demands a share, it can feel like your effort is being erased. That breeds resentment. Your sister’s appeal (“Dad would’ve wanted you to share”) tries to override the reality of your contributions.
2. Inheritances are often meant to reflect intentions
Wills are not just about dividing assets—they’re also a way to express values, priorities, and recognition. If your father left the bulk of liquid assets to you, especially citing your sacrifices (as you say), that indicates he intended to reward your care. If he wanted his estate to fund your sister’s wedding, he would have specified that.
That inheritance wasn’t a communal pot to be raided at will. It was a contract, in a sense, between your father and you. If that contract is broken—by demand, guilt, pressure—you undermine what was meant to be a final expression of his intentions.
3. No legal obligation to fund someone else’s wedding
Unless there is a binding agreement (contract, legal claim) or your local law somehow mandates sharing, you are under no legal duty to give your sister $30,000. You inherited that money. What you do with it is your choice. Family pressure doesn’t turn that into an obligation.
Even in cultures with strong family expectations about sharing and dowry, using someone else’s inheritance to fund a lavish wedding is not generally enforceable without consent.
4. Entitlement is part of the dynamic
Your sister’s demand suggests a belief in entitlement: that because you’re younger or because you “got the better deal,” she deserves a cut. That’s a slippery slope. If you give in once, what stops future demands? Also, the ultimatum (“you won’t be invited unless you comply”) is coercive.
This kind of pressure warps sibling relationships, turning money into power. It pits you into a corner: sacrifice your future or lose your place in the family.
5. Guilt and familial “peace” are not necessarily good arguments
“Do it for peace,” “for the sake of family,” “Dad would’ve wanted unity” — these are emotional appeals. But “peace” achieved by coercion is fragile. Also, there’s a recurring pattern in many AITA conflicts: family members weaponize guilt to get what they want.
Guilt isn’t a moral obligation. You didn’t create the situation. Your father did. You’re not responsible for her wedding dreams. If peace means you giving up your financial security, that’s a steep cost.
6. You don’t lose your moral standing by setting boundaries
Boundaries are essential. You can still love your sister, but that doesn’t mean surrendering your financial autonomy. You can support her in other ways (help planning, advice, nonfinancial contributions) without sacrificing your future.
It’s also possible to offer something more modest if you want — but that should be your choice, not a demand by emotional manipulation.
7. Family might reject you now, but your conscience doesn’t have to
It’s painful to be vilified by your sister or have relatives take sides. But often, the loudest voices are the ones demanding. In AITA culture, many would say you are not the asshole — reddit commenters in a thread echoing your story say the same: the sister is trying to “shake down your bank account” and the money was intentionally left to you. Reddit
Those voices matter as moral validation, but you don’t need universal approval. What matters is whether you believe your decision respects your father’s wishes, your future, and your integrity.
People in the comments sided with the author, with most of them encouraging her to stand her ground
You are not the asshole. You inherited money your father intentionally set aside for you, likely as recognition for your care and sacrifice. You are under no obligation — morally or legally — to hand over tens of thousands for someone else’s luxury wedding, especially when that someone didn’t share equally in the burden. Setting boundaries, protecting your financial future, and honoring your father’s expressed wishes don’t make you selfish.
If anything, your sister and mother—not you—are pressing an unfair and emotionally manipulative demand.
