“I Told My Parents I Don’t Care If My Sister Dies—Does That Make Me Heartless?
In this emotionally charged story, a 16-year-old girl (OP) finds herself at a breaking point after living in constant fear of her older sister, who has a long history of violent and dangerous behavior. Her sister (17F) suffers from serious mental and behavioral issues that have gone mostly unaddressed by their parents—issues that have cost OP her safety, social life, and emotional well-being.
After years of trauma, including a terrifying incident where her sister pulled out a large chunk of her hair—causing long-term damage—OP finally snapped. She told her parents that if they refuse to protect her by seeking real help for her sister, they might lose her forever. She even said, in raw honesty, that she doesn’t care if her sister dies because she’s never felt safe or loved in her presence. That comment shattered the household—and now her parents are calling her heartless.
But the truth? This is a survival story. And OP’s not the villain for speaking up—she’s just a kid who’s tired of being collateral damage in someone else’s crisis.
Things aren’t easy when your sibling is overly aggressive, and everything is even worse in case your parents treat you poorly in favor of them
The author of the post has an elder sister, who is mentally disabled and is prone to violence outbursts
Let’s get this out of the way: saying “I don’t care if my sister dies” sounds harsh. Painful. Shocking.
But when you peel back the layers of what’s really happening in this family, you realize it’s not about cruelty—it’s about survival. And sometimes, especially in dysfunctional homes, survival forces kids to say things adults don’t want to hear.
So let’s talk about this. About what it really means to grow up with a violent sibling, why emotional neglect is never okay, and how systems fail both the child in crisis and their siblings left behind.
1. The Forgotten Victims: Siblings of Kids With Behavioral Disorders
Search terms like sibling trauma, living with a mentally ill sibling, and PTSD from family violence have thousands of hits. Why? Because this is way more common than people think.
There’s a heartbreaking pattern that plays out in many households: when one child struggles with extreme behavioral issues, the rest of the family often gets swept under the rug. Parents pour every ounce of energy into the “problem child,” often out of love, guilt, or fear—and the siblings? They get silence, neglect, or worse, blame.
According to a 2019 study published in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, siblings of children with severe behavioral or psychiatric issues show higher levels of anxiety, depression, and PTSD-like symptoms than the general population. 1
And when that sibling is violent? That trauma multiplies fast.
2. It’s Not Just “Sibling Fights”—It’s Abuse
Let’s be clear: pulling someone’s hair out is abuse. Screaming, threatening, hurting others? Abuse. And when it happens in the home, it gets more dangerous—because victims have nowhere to run.
OP’s been isolated. She couldn’t bring friends home. She got left out of birthdays. She was told to lie to doctors about injuries her sister caused. That’s not sibling rivalry—that’s emotional and physical abuse being ignored by adults who should know better.
3. Why Some Parents Protect the Abuser
It sounds twisted, but it’s common: parents often protect the child who lashes out. They rationalize it. “She’s sick.” “She doesn’t know better.” “The system will chew her up.”
And maybe all that’s true. But it doesn’t excuse sacrificing another child’s safety. And it doesn’t mean you get to pretend your other kid is fine just because they don’t scream.
This behavior’s linked to parental denial, a defense mechanism where caretakers can’t accept that their child is dangerous. Especially when the child has a mental health diagnosis. They fear stigma. They fear losing their kid to institutions. So they protect them—and silence everyone else.
OP’s parents are doing that in real time. They’re telling her she’s “heartless” instead of admitting that her sister hurt her. They’re more afraid of sending one daughter away than losing the other entirely.
4. When the System Fails Everyone
Inpatient facilities are overbooked. Some are dangerous. And mental health care for minors is often underfunded and mismanaged. So parents panic—and avoid.
But avoiding help doesn’t fix anything. It just creates a home where the other kids—like OP—are stuck living in chaos. Sometimes the only “safe” route seems to be silence. Or escape.
That’s what OP’s facing. She’s 16, but already planning to run away or go no contact. That’s how desperate she is.
5. You’re Allowed to Choose Yourself
This is the biggest takeaway. And yeah, it’s the most controversial.
You are allowed to choose your safety over family loyalty.
That doesn’t mean you wish death on someone. It means you refuse to die inside just to keep the peace.
Kids like OP get told to be understanding. To be patient. To “remember it’s not her fault.” But no one’s asking the violent sibling to stop. No one’s protecting the victim.
Choosing yourself is not heartless. It’s survival. And sometimes survival sounds brutal—because the situation is brutal.
6. How Parents Can Do Better (Before It’s Too Late)
If you’re a parent reading this? Don’t ignore the quiet kid.
Yes, the child with the outbursts needs help. But the one who’s hiding, flinching, begging you to listen? They’re screaming too—just in a different way.
Here’s what real support looks like:
- Get professionals involved. Don’t wait until someone gets seriously hurt.
- Create safety plans. Separate rooms, locks, exit strategies.
- Family therapy. Not just for the “problem child”—for everyone.
- Accountability. Don’t excuse violence. Even if your child is struggling, hurting others can’t be normalized.
- Protect all your kids. Not just the one who demands the most attention.
Most commenters gave the 16YO their support, even urging her to move from family home to some relatives as well
OP isn’t a villain. She’s a teenage girl who’s spent her whole life in fear. She’s seen her sister hurt others, hurt her, and watched her parents do nothing.
So when she says, “I don’t care if she dies”—it’s not a threat. It’s not even hate. It’s grief. It’s what happens when you’ve given up hope that your family will ever put you first.
She didn’t cause this. She’s just finally done pretending she’s okay.
